October 2009
99 posts
For months, literally FOUR MONTHS, my mother has been pushing me to watch Knowing with her. She hasn’t seen it. She loves Nicolas Cage. I, unfortunately, have seen Knowing and wish never to do so again. The only reason I saw it in the first place is because I saw it with a friend who, for some reason, enjoys making me watch terrible movies whenever we hang out.
Tonight, while my mom was at...
“Your friends back home, the friends that used to validate everything that you...”
– Paul Schneider
September 2009
125 posts
Re: Joke Stealing
I think Zach Paez correctly identified the Chinese-German-food-Dick-Cavett-joke-stealer:
How I Met Your Mother
Which begs the question, when does having a character “use” a joke turn into outright joke stealing? Because it may very well have been the former, but if your audience isn’t aware that it’s a famous joke, then doesn’t it become the latter? Don’t you,...
sarahspy:
Here’s the #1 lesson you learn working in advertising (and this has stuck with me, to my advantage, my whole working life):
Nobody wants to read your shit.
Let me repeat that. Nobody–not even your dog or your mother–has the slightest interest in your commercial for Rice Krispies or Delco batteries or Preparation H. Nor does anybody care about your one-act play, your Facebook page or...
When I see an improv show or team with a clever pun on the word “improv,” it’s all I can do to keep from gouging my eyes out.
This is why people think they don’t like improv. They’ve never seen a show, they just saw your shitty pun on a poster.
So no, I don’t think I’m going to make it out to Santa Monica for “Mission IMPROVable.”
Extras
jenniepie:
Like it or not, I’m a big Miranda July fan and this is pretty cool
These are neat.
“If you spontaneously come up with funny things — and I mean writing funny...”
– Jack Handey
“As far as writing advise, just put down anything you think is funny. Don’t...”
– Dick Cavett
“Listen, honey. I’ve been to bed with girls with big breasts, little...”
– Marlon Brando — according to Dick Cavett, on the occasion of almost having a threesome with Brando and a fan
Joke Stealing
I’m reading the Dick Cavett interview in And Here’s the Kicker right now and it’s on the subject of one of Cavett’s most famous jokes getting stolen all the time. Here’s the joke:
“I went to a Chinese-German restaurant. The food is great, but an hour later you’re hungry for power.”
I’m positive I just heard this joke on a sitcom, probably a...
Dear TV Shows,
I never want to see the following exchange ever again, used when two characters need to have a serious talk:
“Oh, we’ll be leaving right now. We have that … thing.”
“What thing?”
“You know. The thing.”
“Ohhhhhh. The thiiiiiiiiing.”
No one does that. No one has ever done that. The only people who do that are...
Jon Gosselin Fired From Jon and Kate Plus 8 →
molls:
The show is coming back with the title Kate Plus 8
AWWWW, SNAP!
Do you think that when it came down to it, TLC went with the parent whose name makes the title rhyme?
“Many of the newer levels, it should be noted, have merciless time limits and are...”
– David Wollinsky, in his review of Katamari Forever.
This is clearly a man who’s never watched me play Katamari before. I fucking suck at/love that game.
Flash Forward
(limited spoiler)
This was my reaction when I saw the Oceanic billboard in the background on Flash Forward:
“WHAT?! But if you say that Oceanic exists in this world, then that means it’s the same universe as Lost. Which means a) somewhere else in this world, there are people stranded on an island and b) everyone stranded on that island also had a flash to the future. If these two...
Things on the Wall At Manhattan Deli in Kearny...
a poster of various cheeses
a poster of various veggies
a poster of various spices
a poster of a girl holding sunlfowers
various photos of New York landmarks
various photos of Los Angeles landmarks
a Gone With the Wind Poster
an unsigned headshot of Clark Gable
an unsigned headshot of Brad Pitt
a signed photo of a KUCI news anchor
a thank you card from a NASCAR racer, for “the...
This is so unexpected!
luckyjess:
Thank you so much for this Friday night! omg…. uh.. Let’s see… first I wanted to thank my guitar for letting me play it all night!! Thank you sooooo much, I’d like to thank my Netflix for keeping me somewhat interested for 3 hours, Thanks to Facebook for just being there, thanks to the bag of chocolate chips in my fridge - I couldn’t have had this Friday night without you. And lastly,...
TV Show Mind-Meld
Man, Helo is gonna KILL Apollo for sleeping with Faith. Riiiiiiight?
(cough, cough Dollhouse cough, cough)
Watching 'Modern Family'
Me: Hey, check out Tiny Me!
Mom: I was just gonna say that! That little girl looks just like you. Except you didn't wear glasses then.
Me: Yeah, she's like Tiny Me, but from now.
Mom: And it's the headband.
(I wore headbands all the time.)
Mom: She's like your daughter.
Me: She could be my daughter.
Mom: No, she couldn't. How old is she?
Me: Nine maybe.
Mom: No. Well, I guess ... let's see, if you were 15--
Me: No, Mom. It's 2009. She could really be my daughter. I would have been 18.
Mom: Oh, yeah. She could.
Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'M OOOOOOOOOOOLD!
We Are So Gross
Me: thank you for the reblog :)
Chris: thank you for making me want to reblog. i couldnt stop my fingers. you should be picking up NO readers any minute now, because no one follows my regular blog
Me: but I reblogged you. how can you not be famous yet? how are we not both making each other famous?
Chris: you have to reblog me more! never stop reblogging!!!!
Me: bloglboglbogblogblogblgolboglgoblgog
Chris: we are so gross. remember hopes? remember dreams?
Me: nope
Chris: im kidding, i just made up words to trick you
Me: whew! I thought I stopped understanding English for a second
An Open Letter To The Chris Kelly Who Worked For...
chriskelly:
Thank you.
There are so many Chris Kellys in this world and frankly, I’ve been getting really sick of Googling myself after getting semi-drunk on white wine only to find pictures of you.
You had to go.
Granted, now that you’ve killed yourself, Googling myself is even more nightmarish - every search result is “Chris Kelly Dead”, which is not what I need right now - but I have...
More On Critics
If you don’t think a critic has the capacity to love what they’ve turned their eye on, then read Todd VanDerWerff’s blogs about Deadwood or Zack Handlen’s blogs about Star Trek. I defy you to continue to tell me a critic only tears down and never builds up.
about Critics
viereckige-augen:
youroldarchenemycatwoman:reckon:sniffed:
“Critics are those who have failed in literature and art.” — Benjamin Disraeli (British Prime Minister and Novelist. 1804-1881)
“A work of art is the unique result of a unique temperament. Its beauty comes from the fact that the author is what he is. It has nothing to do with the fact that other people want what they want. Indeed, the...
My Impression of the NPR Interview I Heard This...
NPR Lady: I have here with me Dr. Alison Whatsherface, Professor of Psychology and author of the book "Babies Are Fascinating." Welcome, Dr. Whatsherface.
Dr. W: Thank you for having me. Babies.
NPR Lady: So in your book, you say that babies are actually super smart?
Dr. W: Babies are so smart. Babies are constantly thinking.
NPR Lady: That's interesting, because they're just babies.
Dr. W: Yes. Babies.
NPR Lady: But babies think.
Dr. W: Babies are totally thinking. Babies have brains, just like non-babies. Or as you call them aaaa-dults.
NPR Lady: What are babies doing when they stare at their mommies faces? You know how babies do that? Stare at mommies?
Dr. W: Babies absolutely stare at mommies. They're analyzing the mommies. They're reading the mommy's face for feelings, like it has. Babies have feelings and know that aaaaaa-dults have feelings.
NPR Lady: So why have we not previously realized babies are so smart?
Dr. W: Because we think of them as tiny, less functional aaaaaaa-dults. When really they're just babies. Babies can do everything.
NPR Lady: So what, if anything, are babies not good at.
DR. W: Babies are not good at planning.
NPR Lady: No, because they're babies! Okay, let's take a call.
Caller Lady: Hi, I had a visit from a baby recently.
DR. W: I love babies!
Caller Lady: Me too! Babies are the best! So this baby had Russian parents and the parents spoke Russian to it, but the baby will probably learn English easily enough, right? Because babies are all geniuses.
Dr. W: Yes, babies are all geniuses. We have so much to learn from babies!!!
NPR Lady: Babies!!!
Caller Lady: Babies!!!
Dr. W: BABIES!!!
“The idea that Mackenzie Phillips endured what she says she did is certainly...”
– Sean O’Neal, hitting the disturbing nail on the gag-inducing head
Why Last Night's 'Glee' Was Terrible
[spoilers - obviously]
I know. You liked it. I know. Here’s the thing: I’m not going to criticize any of the things you liked about it. Not the dancing, not the singing, not Jane Lynch, not the beautiful moment between Kurt and his father at the end.
I am, however, going to criticize everything else about it, which you’re ignoring in a blind fit of musical theatre-y passion....
Sometimes, the lines get blurred
Hey. So … uh … quick question.
Did the zoos really succeed in breeding pandas and now there are so many that it’s a huge problem to China because they’re eating all the bamboo? Or is that just something I dreamed last night, forgot, and then woke up this morning thinking it was fact?
cocktailscast:
Episode 4 - I’mma Let You Finish,...
“Oh, how I miss Family Guy. It’s all the fun of nothing, with none of the...”
– Steve Heisler
Look what I just found in my Google Documents
Courtesy of Alex Fernie last April, for reasons I can’t remember:
$c, ,c 3$$c ,$$P $$"$$c ,cc, ,zc, ,cc J$$ c, ,cc, c, hcc$$$$$$",zcc, ,$$" $$ ?$c ,$$?$c ,d$$$F ,$$P$b J$$ $$ z$$P$b, $$$cJ$$ $$ ,$$?$$ $$b,. $$ ,$$,$$" ?$b $$P'?" d$P $$....
Chris and I discuss G-chat emoticons
me: thanks :)
(re: smiley face)
me: ew, roll face is back
Chris: i love roll face. almost as much as roll heart.
me: I like roll heart better
Chris: me too
me: roll face is smug as fuck
Chris: what the fuck did roll face ever do to you, except roll. christ, lindsay, cut people a break in this lifetime
me: I slept with it. it never called me
Chris: figures. we've been through this
me: fucking typical roll faces
Chris: i know its all great when roll face is sideways, hes all off kilter and different than the other faces, but then he ROLLS back to normal, time and time again. you know that
me: and it's like it only goes on its side again when I come back to it, but then it's all upright again
Chris: as soon as you leave roll face alone, hes right side up
me: but it's different with me!
Chris: i hate to tell you this. but your roll face goes on his side with me too
me: oh my God :....( cry face is always real with me
Chris: i think you found the perfect face for you
me: he gets me
Chris: to me it looks like he is jizzing into a butt cheek. but thats just me
(pause)
Chris: did i just end this?
You guys, Adam Shankman must be fucking rolling in... →