March 2010
20 posts
Sometimes dreams are confusing and meaningless, like my Lisa Simpson/goat killing dream.
Then other times you’ve gone off your PMDD-controlling birth control (because you found yourself wondering if that was a real thing, and doing so seems to have answered that question with a resounding YES, IT IS A REAL THING) and you’ve had a particularly difficult evening of controlling your...
Roadside Sex
Mom likes giving me shit about my one IMDB credit being a short called Roadside Sex, in which I’m giving a trucker a blow job.
So I rented a movie called Trucker and we’re watching it now. This is the conversation that took place through the opening credits:
Mom: You sure this isn’t the movie you’re in?
Me: Actually, yes. That’s me, giving a blow job off to the...
“Because if smart women who know how smart they are intimidate men (and they do),...”
– Tiger Beatdown, dropping some insight
“Imagine what our real neighborhoods would be like, if each of us offered as a...”
– Happy Monthly Mister Rogers Quote Day, everyone!
I had a dream last night that I was a teenaged...
Whooaaaaaaaaaaaa!
“I just feel like somewhere, Judy Blume just burned all her books, like,...”
– Linda Holmes, on why Twilight’s heroine is pretty awful
“I wonder which is more preferable— to walk around all your life swollen up with...”
– Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin (via sarahspy)
This quote kind of scares the shit out of me.
“We followed the most radical voices in the party and the movement, and they led...”
– David Frum, on the Democrats’ health care reform win today.
May this finally, finally let Republican leaders know that Fox News is basically arming its party only to shoot itself in the foot. Or, say, the testicles.
(link via Alex Fernie)
1 tag
My friend Bret, with more thoughts on break ups.
theidiotking:
BRET: …it’s just weird to break up with a person. one minute you’re telling her all about your inner most thoughts, the next you don’t know if she slobbed 10 knobs on the way to work.
My ex, David, once made the breakup analogy, “It’s like suddenly smashing a really elaborate sand castle that took two years to build.”
“We’re Americans, goddammit. Ye shall know us by the tang of our bitter and...”
– Mark Morford, in his piece “Why are you so terribly disappointing?” in the SF Gate.
(Via Mike Dang)
I am the Apolo Ohno of this tumbl
Thanks to Mark Lisanti, I have involuntarily been the Apolo Ohno of declaring myself the Apolo Ohno of things for the last forty minutes.
Examples:
I am the Apolo Ohno of eating this cookie.
I am the Apolo Ohno of this colon cleanse powder.
I am the Apolo Ohno of taking this towel down in order to be the Apolo Ohno of taking a shower.
This is what happens when a joke gets stuck in your head...
Pun Hell
Him: but we're calling the cat Freddie Purrrcury for now. until a better pun comes up.
Me: ha
Him: i know - going straight to hell. whatever.
Me: luckily pun hell is actually sort of delightful. everyone sits around reading books and eating jellybeans and on Tuesdays, Oscar Wilde holds an open mic.
Him: hahaha. that sounds very nice.
Me: yeah
Him: and guess what? i'm not coming up with a pun for what i'm packing for pun hell. so take that pun hell.
Me: hm. now pun hell might not let you in.
Him: after 30 seconds of thought, still no pun. pun hell sounds like its a lot of work sometimes. i'll go with normal 'dante' hell.
Me: now you're going to pun purgatory, which consists entirely of eating dry crackers and watching Dan Brown try to hit on high school girls. Dan Brown is both dead and alive.
Him: all great people are. like god. and ayn rand.