The trailer for Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes could almost be mistaken for one of the fake previews that ran in front of Tropic Thunder.
If you’re excited about this movie, then you’re all going to adore my adaptation of PG Wodehouse’s Jeeves and Wooster books. See, Bertie Wooster is this womanizing ne’er-do-well who fucks like he talks: languidly and with many abbreviations. Wooster will probably be played by Robert Pattinson. Then he hires this super hot valet, Jeeves. Jeeves will probably be played by Johnny Depp. Jeeves is crazy smart. I don’t want to give too much away, but we find out later it’s because British Intellgence did mind experiments on him during World War I. Anyway, Wooster’s good friend Wistelbock Thurthresh the III comes to him after his bride-to-be, Mayweather Pennystock, is eaten alive by an evil band of zombie aunts who would all prefer he marry a nice Countess by the name of Mindycradle Pistlewisher. CUT TO WOOSTER FUCKING SHIT UP. He’s killing zombie aunts, he’s slaying vampire Constables, he’s fucking assassin chorus girls, he’s having the occasional cigar with a beleagured uncle, and then fucking that uncle’s chorus girl. SHIT IS CRAZY, YO. Meanwhile, Jeeves has to do battle with the President of America, who’s trying to steal Jeeves’ brain to use to fight the impending Nazi threat. Also, they have to steal the sheet music for “We’ll go no more a’roving” from a British museum, because it’s encoded with the instructions on how to find the Fountain of Youth. This summer, RIGHT FUCKING HO, JEEVES.
