Watching Movies With Dad
Situation: we have just turned on an episode of ‘Star Trek’ - ‘The Enterprise Incident.’ It’s one I haven’t seen before.
Dad: Oh, this is the one where the female Romulan commander is trying to get Spock to betray the Federation. Spock uses the Vulcan Death Grip on Kirk, but there’s actually no such thing - Spock and Kirk have a plan to steal the Romulan cloaking device.
Me: (glowering silently in annoyance, but tolerance) Oh.
…
Dad: I was unprepared for his attack.
Spock: I was unprepared for his attack.
(I whip my head around and glare at him.)
…
Female Romulan Commander: I do have a first name. Would you like to hear it?
Dad: What’s Romulan for “pussy?”
Me: Aggghhhh! GROSS, DAD.
…
(Spock is revealed to have betrayed the Romulan Commander.)
Female Romulan Commander: Why would you do this to me? Who are you that you could do this?
Dad: First Officer of the Enterprise.
Spock: First Officer of the Enterprise.
Me: You know, it’s not actually a charming habit to call out what’s going to happen an episode no one else in the room has seen before.
(Dad giggles like a school girl.)
———
Situation: we are watching ‘The Seven Year Itch,’ which I have never seen before.
(Richard Sherman, the main character, is looking for somewhere to hide a key.)
Dad: Try the bookcase!
(Richard Sherman throws the key on top of the bookcase.)
Me: STOP IT. STOP DOING THAT.
(Dad giggles.)
Me: It’s not funny. I’m serious. You are not allowed to do that anymore.
…
(Richard Sherman has just been told by Marilyn Monroe that she posed in US Camera and is now alone in the room. He gets an idea.)
Dad: Hmmm. Wait a minute. US Camera?
(Richard Sherman scans his bookcase and finds he has a US Camera anthology.)
Me: You get a warning for that one.
(Dad giggles.)
