For the last year I have been bitching about Twilight to anyone who will listen. Part of the reason Twilight irks me so is because when I was 12-14 years old, I read Christopher Pike’s The Last Vampire series and it was not cool. Suddenly I’m 27 and the thing that made me a big weirdo is mainstream. But the other thing that irks me is that in Pike’s vampire books, the girl was the vampire. The girl was the dangerous one. There’s something infinitely sickening about the manic embrace of a vampire series that instead puts the girl in the weakened position. My favorite vampire series fell by the wayside 15 years ago and now this beige wafer swoops in and waters down the genre? And everyone loves it for doing so? Gross. So I have been going from bookstore to bookstore for the past year looking for The Last Vampire books, hoping to see them revamped to compete with Twilight. And lo! Today I was in Target and what do I see but Christopher Pike’s name on something called Thirst No. 1 - none other than the first three Last Vampire books packaged together and given a provocative, but not-too-bloody new name, under the guise of being a volume. Ho! WHAT’S UP, BITCHES? VICTORY IS MINE! So get on it, tweens. I see your Mormon-based “waiting until marriage” vampire series and I raise you a new age/Krishna-based vampire series loaded with sex and violence. Like a vampire series ought to be.

For the last year I have been bitching about Twilight to anyone who will listen.

Part of the reason Twilight irks me so is because when I was 12-14 years old, I read Christopher Pike’s The Last Vampire series and it was not cool. Suddenly I’m 27 and the thing that made me a big weirdo is mainstream.

But the other thing that irks me is that in Pike’s vampire books, the girl was the vampire. The girl was the dangerous one. There’s something infinitely sickening about the manic embrace of a vampire series that instead puts the girl in the weakened position. My favorite vampire series fell by the wayside 15 years ago and now this beige wafer swoops in and waters down the genre? And everyone loves it for doing so? Gross. So I have been going from bookstore to bookstore for the past year looking for The Last Vampire books, hoping to see them revamped to compete with Twilight.

And lo! Today I was in Target and what do I see but Christopher Pike’s name on something called Thirst No. 1 - none other than the first three Last Vampire books packaged together and given a provocative, but not-too-bloody new name, under the guise of being a volume. Ho! WHAT’S UP, BITCHES? VICTORY IS MINE!

So get on it, tweens. I see your Mormon-based “waiting until marriage” vampire series and I raise you a new age/Krishna-based vampire series loaded with sex and violence. Like a vampire series ought to be.