This article will jump in your face and declare its superiority to other Featured Articles. I’m talking “Chess Master.” I’m talking “King of the Wooden Spoonists.”  I’m talking the “Jew of Chamant.” I’m talking the word “grandpatzer.”

George H. D. Gossip, I will write a twee musical about you and it will make me upwards of $12 dollars. I mean, Christ! Your name alone.